I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
