Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize