this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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