At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize