i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
