no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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