I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
