Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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