the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize