Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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