I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
