I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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