so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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