office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
