Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize