I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
