Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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