Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
