A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So much rum. So many feels.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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