i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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