it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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