My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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