get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
