dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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