distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
