Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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