Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize