i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
