I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
