You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
