I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
