Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
