we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
