but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize