Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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