I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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