my soul wont recognize me after tonight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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