her facebook's as public as her vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
