WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
