if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
