bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize