How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
