Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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