i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize