It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
