Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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