I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Randomize
