Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
