Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
