i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
