So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
