need another drink. this is the easiest way
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
