so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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