hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
