We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize