woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
