too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
