just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
