We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize