I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
