My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
