She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
