Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
