How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
