did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
