I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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