I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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