I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
