when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize