i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
