Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
