puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
