I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
