so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
