I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
