I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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