I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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