Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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