We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
