I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
