I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
