What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
