I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
