guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
God I need to hump something, right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
