So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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