you're like a bully in the Christmas story
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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