So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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