The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
