I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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